📡 LIVE from the Level Up Your Selfie News Network 📡
Good evening, viewers. We interrupt your regularly scheduled scrolling to bring you urgent breaking news. Reports are flooding in from across the country—another man has mysteriously disappeared. But before you panic, authorities confirm: He is alive. He just doesn’t care.
A Love Story… with a Vanishing Act
Just 24 hours ago, he was last seen staring deeply into a woman’s eyes, whispering sweet nothings, and planning imaginary vacations to Italy. Witnesses report excessive use of phrases like: ✔️ “I’ve never felt this way before.”
✔️ “I can really see myself with you.”
✔️ “I don’t usually open up like this…”
However, in a shocking turn of events, by morning, the suspect had ghosted. No calls. No texts. No explanation. Just a suspiciously active Instagram story.
Authorities Suspect a Severe Case of Future-Faking™
🚨 Experts confirm: Future-Faking™ is at an all-time high.
This devastating condition affects emotionally unavailable men who enjoy building castles in the sky… but mysteriously vanish when it’s time to pour the foundation.
Symptoms include:
🔴 Intense love-bombing
🔴 Deep, dramatic eye contact
🔴 Big promises within the first week
🔴 Random disappearance (usually right after getting what they wanted)
If you or someone you love has been affected, you may be entitled to group chat therapy and an immediate blocking session.
Where Is He Now?
🚨 Reports indicate that after an intense 72 hours of future-faking, the suspect is now “too busy” to reply. Investigators tracked his last online activity to a blurry Snapchat story featuring his steering wheel with the caption “Grind never stops.”
When questioned, close sources say:
❌ “That’s just how he is.”
❌ “He has a lot going on.”
❌ “Maybe he’s just bad at texting.”
However, the Reality Check News Network can confirm: He is, in fact, texting other people.
What You Can Do to Protect Yourself
📢 Public Service Announcement: If he says, “I’m not like other guys,” authorities advise you to remain calm and exit immediately.
🔹 Red Flag Alert: If he mentions marriage or babies within three business days, turn off your phone and run.
🔹 Self-Respect Hotline: Dial 1-800-GIRL-BLOCK-HIM for immediate emotional support.
🔹 Emergency Group Chat Activation: Gather your besties, pull the receipts, and let them talk you out of responding to his next ‘wyd?’ text.
Final Warning
Dating in 2025 is not for the weak. If you have been a victim of Future-Faking™, please report to the nearest healing era and cut your losses.
This has been a Level Up Your Selfie News Network Special Report. Stay safe. Stay delulu-free. And remember—if it sounds too good to be true… it probably is.
